The rules
Reading these before the test counts as cheating. Nobody will check.
- Empty row: go to the end furthest from the door. You keep the row open for the next person.
- People already there: take the spot with the biggest gap. If two spots tie, take the one with a wall beside it.
- Never stand next to someone if a spot with a gap is free.
- Never stand between two people if you can avoid it.
- No gap anywhere: use a stall, or wash your hands slowly until a spot opens up.
- Read the room: bagged urinals are out of order, low ones are for children, and accessible stalls are for people who need them.
- A queue changes everything: in a stadium, take the first open spot and be quick.
- While you’re there: eyes on the wall. No chat, calls or singing.
- On the way out: zip up, step back, turn. Then soap.
Where these come from
These are conventions, and people argue about them. The test draws on these pages. Most are humour or lifestyle pieces, so read them as opinion rather than research.
- Urinal Protocol Vulnerability on the xkcd blog. Randall Munroe works through how many people fit before the buffers run out. Rows of 5 or 9 pack well, and rows of 7 or 13 don’t.
- Choose Your Urinal, a QS Supplies survey of 1,032 people in the UK and US. Most preferred the urinal furthest from anyone else. The answers are self-reported, and the survey is from a bathroom retailer.
- The “Choose A Urinal” Challenge, an online quiz that also covers stadiums and the code of silence.
- The Ten Rules Of Proper Urinal Etiquette from Grooming Lounge. Covers talking, humming, phones, eye contact and hand washing.
- The Bro’s Guide to Urinal Etiquette by Bobby Box on BroBible, a 2013 humour column. Covers keeping a buffer, using a stall when the row is full, shy bladder and the child-height urinal.
- An illustrated guide to public urinal etiquette by Ryan Cunningham on Substack, a comic code from 2025. It takes the far end of an empty row and waits at the sink when every spot is next to someone.
- Urinal Etiquette and What’s so bad about the short urinal?, Straight Dope forum threads from 2001 and 2004. Users argue over The Urinal Game, an old Flash game whose links no longer work. Buffer Zone is a separate game, and it owes that one the idea.